how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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