she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
