Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
