I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
