For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
