awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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