Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
