I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
