the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
