Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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