I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
