so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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