I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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