my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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