I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
