Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
