why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
