Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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