my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
