Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
