pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
