I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
