I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize