i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just invented taco cereal.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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