Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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