Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
