If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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