are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
