matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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