shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
