You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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