My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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