You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
