I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
