i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize