how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
