Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
