Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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