So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
