I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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