She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
