Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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