ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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