listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize