so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fuck appropriateness.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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