I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
