I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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