I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think i got beer on your cat.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
