first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
