can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
