Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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