THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this boner is exhausting
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
