you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
