I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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