He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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