Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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