He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
