Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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