To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
