I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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