I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
