O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
