Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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