Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
