I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize