this beer tastes like vomit already
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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