just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
