Princesses don't give blow jobs
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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